"Are you a vegetarian by choice or by religion?" A very common, cliched question. An equally vague answer followed which I'm sure does not interest you. But, the question got me thinking.
Do we do things because we are expected to, or because we want to. Yeah yeah, I can hear the hordes of you bickering about how very often we have to do things we don't like or want to. But do we do it anyway because 'it' is just an uncomfortable path to a comfortable end? In other words, we choose to prioritise the end over the means. A choice you were allowed to make.
How often do we hear someone say, "I'm vegetarian cuz my religion disallows meat"? Personally, never! Why? Because, we live in the age of choice. A period in history where we are judged by how we exercise our options.
The internet is a classic example. We have the music pirates, the honest file sharing community, and the disgruntled RIAA that is looked down upon by almost everyone online. The reason quoted is also quite interesting, 'cuz they are trying to curb your freedom of choice'. And with the 'freedom' of choice, comes the occasional pain that might be someone else's folly or your own doing. Who is to judge? The only ones really bothered about it are the ones who are caught up in it.
So that brings a person to another phase in the process of expressing choice. A stage where one needs to pre-empt all possible outcomes and choose the one with the least possible resistance. That is you do not want to run into problems with others each time you do something. So as time progress, this intentional intervention, becomes a habit. Once a habit is formed, each of us have a set of rules that govern our decisions. A personal value system, a set of core beliefs, a mini faith system, a mini religion.
So, are you a vegetarian by choice or by religion?
i dont normally put up tech stuff on my blog, but this has been on my mind long enough to warrant a 'snarled thought' status
How do i break the news? But, speak up, I must and what better time than now? May be tomorrow? The time might change, the leaves on the calendar might flip, but the situation the same. The same, me the same everyone and everything...
A long trip, many downs that made the ups feel dizzier. A fantastic relationship over the last year... One that brought about a chrysalis... and in a very twisted way, its own nemesis. And today I stood at the altar, sword in hand. It was my duty. I owed it. Yet the hand despised its own existence, the mind running berserk, and yet I had to do it. Will be a quick swoop, a clean job, one which does not make a mess? That was up to me.
The struggle internally; like none so far. The almost impossible separation of the person from the position held. Teeth clenched, sweaty brow, and a (very) heavy heart, I said what I've never said before. The guilt raced up my spine and spread through every cell, the phone seemed non existent, as I could see the reaction and hear what was said... I've NEVER felt worse.
Did my best to make it clear that it was beyond anyone's control and it was Nothing personal. Hope as time moves on, my words find clarity.
Today, I tendered my resignation after an amazing 5 years, 3 months and 1 week. And, at this point in time, I'm still feeling terrible about letting my boss G go. G, you've been a Fantastic boss and terrific friend, wish I didn't feel this guilty about letting go.
a hope like the flakes of gold on the twilight seas,
a lone silhouette with his trusted oar, fighting,
finding order in the pounding waves and confusing surf as he rides towards the sunshine,
a zephyr of a thought to let go and let the ocean reveal her reality
a dream of treasures, of a mermaid and glory, of atlantis... hope floats, keeps you afloat.
traffic parts even in a jam,
roads get wider overnight,
the world stands aside to make way for you,
the wind is a crisp cool breeze,
the sun turns into a soft-light,
and the trees seem to sway,
to the tune of the song playing in your ears...
A long forgotten past, the hearty smiles, the unashamed tears; traded for what turned out to be the price you had to pay, a crowded corner in society.
Could I punch your face while you pull my hair? Could I cry and scream in a seeming squeal? Could we squat opposite each other in a bitter standoff? The pain seems immense yet in a few moments, the smile shines through the salty lips and miniscule teeth. We fought for what we believed in, and now we see the person behind the belief. We seemed to see it then, but wisdom blinded us. Beliefs are contextual, a person need not be.
Could I have the icing stuck to the box and feel like a prince? Would you share my booty no matter how minuscule it is with a grin that lights up hearts around us? Could I kiss your chubby cheeks and hold you in my faltering arms and shaky knees, when love knows no greater expression and not worry about the whos and whats?
Innocence deserted… Simplicity abandoned for a convoluted farce... Happiness traded for possessions, while joy was bent into being the crutch of belief and love sent to the altar of pretence.
Where the crazy people meet on the street with no name,
if you wish upon a star, there´s a place, Club Bizarre,
come together in my dream...
a few short strides over a few fleeting hours... life's moments narrated, like life gave you a second chance to reminisce and ponder... the silent evening breeze shifting the writings on the sand, the setting sun in those eyes remind you of the paths that were the ones you chose...
it feels like now i fully understand what Wordsworth meant when he said.
"For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude"
the stage breathed raw energy, the mind stopped loitering, the body just moved to the tempo. 5 minutes, 5000 eyes, and one pair that inspired.
quite a few classes ago, the first feedback I got was a 'your dance is so cute... funk it up'. I can recognise an euphimism when i see one. but then on, the game was on. well, effort went in, sporadic moments of 'brilliance' (modesty, is currently not the theme), but t'was not good, not good enough. and up until yesterday that was all.
every kid fancies a teacher, a hero-worship, a crush. and i was no different. I could do it all for myself, but it's just simpler when the horse doesn't have to merely dream of the carrot!
'u seemed terribly sterssed out today, relax, sleep well and dont let the performance worry you' she said last evening, as i was striding away towards the rest of the gang. and today, i gave it a 300%, i remeber another instructors words 'tis ok if you collapse after the show, but give it your fullest' and frankly, the stage just takes it from you anyway. the music demands and the stage just whips the best out of you... i felt great. absolutely. well, if i were to see myself in video, i might not be the best, but i would still be enjoying every moment i had. a few hours later the instructors performed. the crowd went crazy, girls and boys alike screaming for their favourites... i had to meet my intructors and pat their backs in the very least, since they were just AWESOME! a final performance that wrapped the evening's festivities and showed me how much better i cld be...
and after the show, as we thronged to talk to our favourite super-stars, i met my teacher and she said it, 'you were just super, i was looking for you karthikeyan, and you were simply superb'!
the rest of the crowd vanished for a while. a smile. a hug. and the world snapped back to normalcy.
I had taken years, decades to come to grip with the concept of threads of consciousness, and long enough to weave it into every fabric that surrounds me... and today, i saw it :)
here's the run through. i was on a call with a friend, lets call her SH and was talking to her about her marriage and its sudden-ness and perceptions of the (still queasy) process of an arranged marriage. Shortly after that, I discussed it with another friend named SM (no no not the CEO of Subex) and the conversation went off tangent about perceptions, boundaries, the lack of it, and a rather wasteful arguement about whether their non-existence was superior to their existence. Yep, now u see (hopefully) why it was wasteful. Perception people, PER-CEP-TION!!!
Alongside that, I ran into this other old friend of mine, my classmate in std. 10! in the US, and were talking about her job change dilemas, and giggled about the fact that many here in India just want to get to the US, no matter what in the fond belief that that's where the grass is forever green, while my friend who is married and settled there has a problem on a 'seeming' trivial technicality about her H1 visa...! And I wondered, if only, IF only, to step into another's shoes were that simple and seamless.. :)
Moving on, I bumped into Another old school friend of mine after a seeming eternity...! Was among the few ppl I really trusted... :) still feel happy abt it... :) yada yada yada, went the conversation, there is always a lot to catchup on, a lot to be said and a lot to listen between friends :) and then he said, after a long pause 'sorry dude, the UPS guy was at the door' and for a second I was confused, the next I understood and 2 seconds after that, I smiled :) The string was waving out to me... :)
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